Criticism Required!

Hello everyone, hope the writing's going well. I'd really appreciate it if you could give me some feedback and criticism on an Invisible Man story I'm working on for Crumey. It's been changed and re-edited so much that it's now a completely different story to the one I read out in class and I was just wondering if the new direction I was taking it in worked. It's called 'The Partial Man' (bit of a giveaway there) and there's an extract of it on my blog:

http://tooclosecartoons.blogspot.com

Thanks!